Gay Sheriff? I care less! I could care less, but I couldn't care less.

A recent Associated Press story, reporting from Arizona, on the coming out of Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu at a news conference included an interesting phrase I had not heard before, coming from a supporter of the sheriff, who was trying to reconcile the sheriff's public statement of homosexuality with the supporter's own traditional conservative Republican hardline stance on God, guns, and, yes, gays:

Consider the comments of Bill Halpin, a 64-year-old ex-Air Force pilot who serves on the local tea party board: “I care less. I just care less. Don’t preach it on me. Don’t push it on me and, by golly, I respect your rights.”

I care less, full stop. An interesting standalone phrase, used to express a devil-may-care attitude, perhaps even a professed dismissive nonchalance, with the hint of a barbed defense, on the speaker's part. While this phrase was new to me, I have certainly heard of other phrases people use to express a similar sentiment: "I could care less", full stop. Or "I couldn't care less", period.

Is "I care less" related to the aforementioned two phrases? They all seem related, and it's even possible one came before the other before the other, rather than they all arose at about the same time; "I care less" could be a clipped or shortened form of "I could care less", which could be a clipped or shortened form of "I couldn't care less". Those who are into the origins of words or phrases know that the Oxford English Dictionary does the work of tracking down the first recorded instances of a word or phrase being investigated, but I have not performed the necessary etymological research to reach an informed conclusion. While it's possible that "I couldn't care less" came first, and after some time "I could care less" arose and became widely used, and now, we have "I care less", the focus of my piece will be on how "I couldn't care less" and "I could care less" are used to express the same sentiment. Upon first encounter, an audience of one would be right to reach the conclusion that a literal interpretation of the two gives one the sense that they seem to convey two entirely different, even polar opposite, meanings.

A common saying about the entertainment industry in Los Angeles, in Hollywood especially, is that no one ever says no: "In this town, they kill you with yes." The idea is, anyone you meet could become very popular, accomplished, esteemed, powerful, rich, and in an enviable position. On the road to success, particularly in movies, television and music, but also in the related creative fields of fashion, photography, design, culinary arts, writing, and performance, there are few, if any, rules, and many exceptions, to making it big; the person who you very pointedly say no to today, who you offend with your rejection, in whose face you shut your door, that person may become a star overnight, and tomorrow, is in a position to say no to you. So, because people are social animals, even if you mean "no", you always say "yes":

Judy Greer and David Duchovny_The TV Set (2006) from Thuon Chen on Vimeo.

A similar thing may be happening in the brain with "I couldn't care less" and "I could care less". My immediate reaction to your proposal may be, I do not like your idea or even think it will work. Since the spirit of the times is, people don't ever want to burn bridges, I want to take the potentially dangerous step of rejecting something that you seem invested in, without seeming to do so. While "I couldn't care less" may be technically correct, and how I really feel, the problem is, it's too harsh. So instead, I say, "I could care less"; the idea being communicated is "I care, enough that it's quantifiable, and in fact, the amount of concern I have is distant from not caring at all", advancing the idea first that I, as the speaker, care, and once you see and hear the train of "yes" roar through, the engine is followed by the caboose, that, perhaps, the speaker might not care at all, or at least, not as much as you, as the listener, do.

It's certainly an idea, but I'll admit it's a little far-fetched. Usually, a person's face and body are contorted a certain way, or, in the heat of the moment, the shaking of the head, the look of defiance, the surrounding words, the unspoken information, all reveal and reinforce the speaker's true thoughts when exclaiming "I could care less" on a topic, so the idea that omitting the "n't" sound at the end of "could" is a believable way to spare a person's feelings seems a bit of a stretch. So here's another way to understand why people would rather say "I could care less" than "I couldn't care less". They really could care less! When it comes to using contradictory phrases to mean the same thing, I maintain that this practice is closely related to how people interchange "I couldn't give two bits", or "I could give two bits", or in the comfort of your home, among familiars, sometimes you may use coarser language to express your relative unconcern: "I couldn't give two [censored]", or "I could give a [censored]".

Thus, a final try to understand this phenomena of hearing someone say, "I could care less," or even "I care less", when he or she means "I couldn't care less" is, because the speaker is really saying what he or she means, but in shorthand, and, crucially, with the listener in mind. "I could care less" means "I could care less than how much you apparently think I should, but I won't even make an effort to, because I don't care at all." "I care less" means "I care less than you think I should care." Verbal shorthand is when, to save time, you substitute a shorter word or phrase for a much longer and unwieldy one, or, getting back to the first point, in order to save someone's feelings from getting hurt, verbal shorthand can be when you substitute a fuzzier, less clear word or phrase for an unambiguous one. Sometimes, this verbal shorthand uses a substitute that is the exact opposite of what you mean to say. So, in essence, the speaker seems to literally say "I care", but the message of "I don't care" is understood by the listener and the speaker.

By this time, our overly long discussion on language minutiae perhaps has you caring even less than you thought you could've possibly cared. I can tell by you glancing at your watch and tapping your foot that you couldn't, or could, care less. In that case, let us end with the immortal words of Green Day's American Idiot, "I don't care if you don't care."

Actual Telephone Numbers Made Famous by Artists in Popular Music

As someone who has lived in rental units as a tenant since leaving home at age 19, numerous times I've had to move to a new area and relinquish an old phone number. In picking a new one, I've always put some time, thought and care into it, wanting my new phone number to be easy for me to remember when giving out to people, and difficult for people to misdial. One thing that has always amazed me is how contemporary artists will include what I believe to be their actual telephone number in their music. Google Answers has a subject, "famous telephone numbers in songs", that shows people have been singing about phone numbers since the 1960s, back when the format was, to place a call, you had to dial a live operator, say a place name first, then say a five-digit number, before being connected by the operator. Now that we are in the age of seven digits (or age of ten digits if you include area code), one of the more famous phone numbers may be 867-5309, and hearkens back to the early 1980s, for which there is an entire Wikipedia page devoted to it.

If you ever are in the position to pick a new phone number, you might wish to steer clear of these, or contrarily, you may try to seek out these phone numbers, as they are easier to remember when set to a catchy tune (but be sure to expect multiple people trying to call you asking for somebody other than you):

Tony! Toni! Toné! - Whatever (1991): "Whatever you want, girl you know I can provide. Whatever you need, call 632 2135"


Alicia Keys - Diary (2004): "Oooh baby if there's anything that you fear, call 489 4608 and I'll be here"


Mike Jones - Back Then (2005): "281 330 8004, hit Mike Jones up on the low, cause Mike Jones about to blow"


Scientists have conjectured that the reason why every human culture that has been studied has music, why music appreciation is innate in almost all of us, is because the early man that was musical was more in tune with other early humans and more willing to cooperate with those that could appreciate music; musical human societies were more cohesive and likely to stick together than societies made of non-musical humans. Even if you don't accept that premise, music can be seen as a kind of social glue that binds us all together. The person who devotes him or her self to making new forms of music, if s/he is lucky, can step into the role of entertainer, and as an added benefit, when performing, that performance and song can serve as a sort of mating call, if you will, demonstrating to the audience his or her social and sexual value. The next time you feel lonely, pining for a mate, you could do a lot worse than create something, be it music, art, technology or science, that includes, or is based on, your actual telephone number.

Leccion de Español Tres o Spanish Lesson 3

The Yards (1999, directed by James Gray) with Joaquin Phoenix (as Willie Gutierrez) and Robert Montano (as Hector), where they are speaking in Spanish. Mark Wahlberg is silent onlooker.
Notice how Robert's character code-switches, i.e., changes the language he is using, from English to Spanish. In this context, Joaquin's character, who was conversing in the more familiar Spanish, reverts to English, to distance himself emotionally from the person who he was addressing. We later find out why, as Willie Gutierrez and his crew are, and have been, intentionally sabotaging the trains operated by Hector's company, in order to secure lucrative city contracts.



Hey, Gutierrez, quiero hablar contigo.
Yo tengo nada que decir, Hector.
Oye, yo soy tu amigo, chico. Yo se, uh, lo que tu estas haciendo.
<Willie reverts from Spanish to English>
Hey, nunca vas a ser tan blanco como ellos.

Back in February of last year, I was listening to talk radio, and had a chance to hear an interview with Audrey Nelson, author of Code Switching. I took some notes:

Code switching came out of linguistics, and it refers to someone who is good at and has knowledge of two cultures. Good communicators know how to switch gears. When speaking to audiences predominantly of one typical gender role, Audrey will use different styles; with men: statistics, research, be much more direct. With women: stories, relationship talk, very high level of disclosure within a couple of minutes, i.e., talking about your insecurities, fears and doubts. Women are in the business of social maintenance, to take care of people and relationships. Chit chat initiated by women before a meeting serves a purpose: to relax, make people feel freer, less on-edge, feel connected and bonded, be more civil to each other. When men chit chat, they talk about safe topics like work, sports. You spend more time at work than any other organization. If the verbal and nonverbal contradict, human nature is to base decisions on the observation of non-verbal behavior. Women are much better readers of nonverbal cues than men; excellence in social maintenance means excellence in observing people's feelings, relationships, emotions.

Although her book is mainly about how to communicate effectively in the workplace to a mostly male (or female) audience, the take-away message is to know the needs of your audience (which is what I was referring to in Why You Should Learn Black English). Ms. Nelson went on to state that we make 6 to 8 stereotype conclusions in the first 6 to 8 seconds that we meet each other. Assuming you are fluent enough to pull it off convincingly (one of the biggest hurdles of code-switching), once you demonstrate that you can speak their language, your audience will feel connected and bonded, and be more civil to each other, and more comfortable with you.

Reality Television's 'Cheaters' is Fake

I'm someone who has lived in Oakland for about 3.5 years now. I love what I do everyday. I like hanging out with my friends, and maybe having a few drinks on the weekend. That's it really. Well, I'll also admit to enjoying so-called "reality" television, which sometimes caters to the dark human desire to live out revenge fantasies. Most anyone who's been jilted, especially in love, has dreamed of getting even. It's why shows like Cheaters are so readily watched: you locate your significant other and have them followed by private investigators, who covertly record their rendezvous. Then you surround the target with a television crew of 15-20, along with a vocal leading man who takes charge for you and orchestrates the ambush of the person you feel has hurt you. You overcome the protestations of your target with a video recording of the infidelity, embarrass the heck out of that denying, unfaithful, lying liar, and, if the planets are aligned correctly, a shoving match or physical altercation may ensue. As I grew accustomed to watching the show, I realized the real payoff was the thrill of not knowing what would happen next, and I'll confess to craning my neck, out of morbid curiosity, to see if the confrontation would turn violent, much like you might expect fisticuffs or a brawl at a hockey game, crashes at a race-car event, or some other dramatic development of extreme behavior we humans can all process and talk about the next day.

The host of Cheaters who leads the charge to surprise your cheating lover, and plead your case, was once Tommy Habeeb (stage name Tommy Grand), but, since 2002, it's been Joey Greco (Clark Gable III took over starting in 2012). Joey was present during some episodes I still remember, such as the one where Steve French, caught, spooked, cornered and insulted, kicked in a car's passenger window, and then decked his accusatory girlfriend Rene Reardon in the face, or the episode where entrepreneur Aaron Rodriguez, in a relationship with a subordinate female employee, Emily Cruz, discovers he had kissed his girlfriend's mouth, just after she had performed a sex act on another male coworker, Jay Evans, right under Aaron's nose. Earlier, we saw that subordinate male employee urinate in the office coffee; we then see the man-being-cheated-on, Aaron, drink the very same coffee laced with urine:Let's not forget the explosive confrontation that interrupted Dalia Santiago's outdoor marriage ceremony, as it slowly dawns on the bride in her wedding dress that the man she was about to marry had been carrying on with Jamie Isaacs and had been recorded picking up a one-night stand at a saloon:
Good times, good times... Yet, come to find we the Cheaters audience may all have been cheated on, by Cheaters! According to the Houston Press:

Actors don't need to be tailed by Gomez for weeks on end. They don't present security risks, and they don't need counseling. They also tend to be younger and better looking than real cheaters, who often will not consent to allow the show to air their faces.

The bogus cheaters interviewed for this story say they've never heard of Goldstein and that Gomez stressed to them never to reveal to Grand or the camera crew that they were acting.

One of the actors, Michelle, met Gomez last fall. "What he told me was that some of the episodes are real, but...a lot of people didn't want to be on the show once they'd been busted, so they would do these ringer episodes to supplement the show," says Michelle, who asked not to be identified by her last name.

If the reports are true, it's all very troubling, for it means Bobby Goldstein was trying to hide information from his business partner, Tommy Habeeb. I think it's telling that when the Houston Press report first came out in 2002, alleging falsehood on the part of Cheaters, Tommy Habeeb and Bobby Goldstein parted ways shortly after because Tommy had "differences with the production company"; I can even imagine the confrontation that occurred between Habeeb and Goldstein, with Tommy demanding that Bobby be straight with him, then Tommy and Bobby have their falling out, and Tommy leaves the company. Two reports from Inside Edition in 2009 seem to indicate that the infamous program where Tommy's replacement Joey Greco got stabbed was also staged, and when Inside Edition sets upon the man himself, rolling up on and presenting to this frequent accuser apparent evidence that seems to support the accusations of fakery and cheating, Joey Greco would neither confirm or deny any specific allegations, such as whether the blood was fake.

I would prefer not to believe these revelations, as I then would need to accept that some of my favorite Cheaters episodes are no more real than professional wrestling. If Cheaters is scripted, then this means that the voyeuristic thrill we get in watching people being secretly captured on camera is based on a false premise, and that it is we, the viewers, who are being had, led on by actors, who knew they were on camera, playing a role. But how can a reality television program broadcast fiction and claim that it's the truth? The same Houston Press article reports:

According to a Federal Communications Commission spokesman, there's no law or regulation against presenting acted-out scenarios as reality on television.

In response to the quiz show scandals of the 1950s, when impropriety was uncovered in rigged game shows, Congress did pass a law, in 1960, amending the Communications Act of 1934, and preventing anyone from fixing quiz shows. Well, apparently, it's not illegal to portray scripted shows as "actual true stories filmed live", even as said program, to this day, claims nothing is staged and every broadcast episode starts out with language reiterating the show is not fake. So, on television at least, you can call it non-fiction and sell it as non-fiction, even if, the truth is, Cheaters is fiction.

Why You Should Learn Black English

Many of my friends are new parents now, married, in long-term careers, and looking to buy their second homes. As for me, I'm on my last unemployment extension, with no job in sight, have been single for decades, and I mutter to myself on the street like a crazy man. And I don't have a cellphone. What I do have, though, is the gift of gab, and I find myself befriending homeless people, just for the conversation. We humans need the company of other human beings, which is why it's important for me that I know the language of the street. What some call black English, ebonics, African American vernacular (Harry Reid racily termed it "negro dialect", before he had to apologize for the trouble he got in) is remarkably the same almost anywhere you go. In a pinch, black English helps me establish rapport and connect with everyday people I might meet, who remain important sources of information. This is true if the person you're looking at is starting out (or starting over) at the bottom, and may lack the peace-of-mind and sophistication we associate with the highly-educated, wealthy and the wise. Once you're out on the street, whether we like it or not, black English intrudes on our lives, sometimes unexpectedly. For instance, the distinguished Alfred Mann, a man I highly respect, had to do a double-take, at 2:05:Now, I'm not black, and you may not be, but I'm not white, either. There is a popular concept that really popular entertainers like Eminem, and Elvis, or comics like Lenny Bruce, either stole the language of black people or their language was stolen from black people:I think this notion is mistaken. By the same logic, since this piece was composed using the King's English, I must have stolen English from white people. I think an argument can be made that what is known on Wikipedia as African American vernacular English borrows heavily, if not outright steals, from the language of low-class white people from the South, many perhaps dirt-poor indentured servants.

If speaking black English is a crime, then may God forgive me. And now that America has a black president, it's high time Americans learn about black English. Barack Obama intuitively knows that you have to be likeable with regular people if you want to get things done. Like the President, I come from an elite school, but it took me 30 years of going to and from this earth, and up and down it, before I learned that I am no more elite than the guy digging through the trash for recyclable bottles and cans. If, by definition, most people are of average measure, wouldn't it be important to know how most people feel and live ? I think learning about black English, and learning how to pull off speaking it convincingly, is part of learning how to be ordinary, or, at least, appearing to be. These men have the right idea:

Top 5 Best Covers or Musical Examples of White People Speaking Black English

5. Dynamite Hack - Boyz in the Hood
   
   


4. The Gourds - Gin & Juice
   
   


3. Jonathan Coulton - Baby Got Back
   
   


2. Mickey Avalon - Waiting to Die
   
   


1. Todd Rundgren - Bang on the Ukulele Daily
   

Honorable mentions should go to songs like Crazy Town - Only When I'm Drunk, which is a perfectly good rock band cover, but doesn't have that quirky cuteness that transforms the covers in my Top 5 into softened, almost folksy, American ballads that, despite their white-washed veneers, remain subversive at their heart. You may find yourself humming these seemingly harmless tunes without a second thought, such as the easy-listening, elevator music paean to the female derriere (complete with a singular quack of a duck) by Jonathan Coulton, or the amusing solo guitar riff at the end of Dynamite Hack's track, referencing moonlight howls by an addict who has acquired a large amount of narcotic:

Punk ass tripping in the dead of night.
Homie scored a key, he's gonna fly...
Punk ass, fly

along with the mutterings of the fiend in question: "They're ripping off everybody man, they're ripping off everybody", or the understated banjo-mandolin bluegrass cover, by The Gourds, of the 'G' Funk classic on the joys of consuming hard liquor and cannabis, whilst operating a motor vehicle on the streets of Los Angeles.

What are your favorite examples of white people speaking black English ?

Are you a sociopath, or just an extreme narcissist ?

Jenna meets a paramedic. He thinks she's incredible, and they seem perfect for each other. He leaves before they can plan to meet later, and now, at her wit's end, Jenna tells her coworker Pete the story. This reminds Pete of a book he once read, a question psychiatrists ask in order to ascertain whether a person is a sociopath:



Recently, a friend recommended a book, The Sociopath Next Door, which he says will keep you up at night, thinking how 1 out of every 25 people you meet would just as soon kill you as tell you to get out of the way. A fellow 30 Rock fan said on his blog:

...the basic principle of sociopaths viewing others as tools instead of people is entirely correct. Sociopathy is more than just a lack of emotion, they literally don’t connect to people the way human beings are supposed to.

Reference: http://www.fearfulsymmetry.net/?p=179

All this talk of sociopathy (psychopathy is the outdated term) makes me wonder whether sociopath is the latest incarnation of witch, Communist, racist, or even terrorist. Who in their right mind, when accused of such a despicable thing, even labeled as such by an expert or authority, can figure out what to do or say to disprove it ?

Neon Signs on Korean Storefront from Nabbeun namja (2001)

After the Bad Guy gets beat up by the soldiers, he sees the girl's boyfriend meet up with the girl, and the Bad Guy covertly follows them around on their date. Towards the end of the evening, the boyfriend tries to lead the girl to a Korean storefront, but she hesitates, then refuses, and kicks her boyfriend in the leg before running off. The Korean storefront had neon signs in front. What do the neon signs say ?



**UPDATE**
This question has been answered by sonofberzerk on imdb:

It says "motel."
It's a love motel.
They're all over Seoul for couples who want to have sex, but can't get privacy at home because of living with parents or they're having affairs or something like that.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0307213/board/nest/164747758

The Influence of the Stars

Right around the time I found out Brittany Murphy died yesterday, I finished reading Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. In an eye-opening piece on the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic (which killed more humans faster than any other disease, or any other anything, has before or since), the author goes into the history behind the word 'influenza':

Much like the virus it names, the word influenza comes to us by way of a mutation. The word itself was first used in Italian and originally referred to the influence of the stars - that is, astral or occult influences that would have been felt by many people at once. By the 16th century, though, the word has begun mixing and blending with the meanings of other words and come to refer to epidemic and pandemic flues that simultaneously strike multiple communities (as if the result of some malevolent will).

Reference: page 13 in Eating Animals.

Much like an Italian villager in the 1500s, I feel like the universe is conspiring against me, trying to prevent me from discovering more about three Asian American actresses in a movie with Brittany. I searched IMDB, on Google, and even posted a question on Yahoo Answers, all to no avail. So I ask you, Gentle Reader, what are the names of the actresses who portrayed Janet Hong and 2 other unnamed Asian female characters in the movie Clueless (1995) ?

Spanish Lesson 1, or Leccion de Español Uno

Thanks to Tim Goodman, two of my favorite television shows are Breaking Bad, and Dexter. Both take place in cities with a relatively large percentage of native Spanish speakers: Albuquerque, New Mexico and Miami, Florida. As someone who has made a living with associates who grew up speaking a different language, knowing the native tongue of your coworkers can serve as a social lubricant and engender a degree of respect and consideration from your bilingual colleagues when it comes time for a promotion, or, who to invite to that party. I was fortunate to walk into my first Spanish class at a young age, in my preteen years, and with the teacher talking very fast in her foreign language (then immediately in English to translate). From that point forth it was almost a settled matter: two years of Spanish in high school, the community college summer course in conversational Spanish, and two summer trips in Mexico to help erect a church in a small village near the border, were foundational events that made me want to build on that knowledge and spend time figuring out and understanding what exactly people were saying (sometimes about me).

For your benefit and mine, I have transcribed and translated two pieces of content where the characters are talking rapidly in a foreign language:

In this scene, Hank has just been promoted to a Drug Enforcement Administration tri-state task force based in Texas near the Mexican border. The three speaking roles are, in order of speech, Dean Norris as Hank, Todd Terry as the SAC (Special Agent in Charge), and J.D. Garfield as Vanco:

voy atravesar sobre esos bastardos como caca pasando pato, fijate (or fija te).
I'm going to run through those bastards like feces through a duck, you watch.

The two leads in this scene are Jimmy Smits as Miguel Prado (seated) and Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan. The shopkeeper Francisco is played by Rudy Quintanilla.

Olvida te, que ese pide lo de siempre
Forget it, that one always orders the same thing.

One might substitute "that one" with "he" but doing that wouldn't tell you the whole story. In context, the shopkeeper understands that Miguel is talking about Dexter, but the shopkeeper also would have known that in Spanish, he is el, but you use ese, meaning that one, when you point to someone, or indicate a person, you don't particularly care for.

Thanks to the lovely and pregnant custodian Sandra Barron, and to mi bibliotecaria preferida Patricia Medina, for the respective transcription and translation. I should also mention David Montgomery for the heads up about Scott Aaronson and the following piece of wisdom:

Why do native speakers of the language you’re studying talk too fast for you to understand them? Because otherwise, they could talk faster and still understand each other.

Reference: http://scottaaronson.com/blog/?p=418

Michael Jackson is my Lord and Savior

For those who don't know, Michael Jackson's breakout moment came in 1983 when he performed at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium for the Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Forever reunion. The moment the lights dimmed on his breathtaking solo performance, Michael Jackson was no longer just a multi-regional (not quite national) celebrity, but an international superstar, as well-known as Coca Cola, McDonald's, and Mickey Mouse the world over. No one had ever seen a person, let alone a scrawny young black man with a single white glove, move like that, sing like that, do that thing with his feet like that, and dance in a way that made you want to join him. Even though Michael was lip-sync'ing throughout the performance, it didn't matter, because the moment was his, and Michael Jackson was showing us the way:

On a personal note, I have actually suffered in the name of Michael Jackson. In grade school my parents enrolled me in a religious private school called Heritage Baptist Academy that to this day may still practice corporal punishment. Once a person in a position of authority determined you deserved to be punished, you were called as your classmates' eyes tracked you out of the classroom and into the principal's office, where usually one or two authority figures were waiting. You were told what you were being held to account for, that you were about to be spanked because the authority figure loved you, and then you had to stand, put your hands on the edge of a desk, bend slightly over, and wait for the adult, usually a teacher or someone in a position of authority, to swat you several times on your clothed buttocks with the flat surface of a large wooden paddle. Depending on who the authority figure was, the experience could be absolutely terrifying, or merely shameful. There was a teacher, Mr. Hilton, who we all suspected would smack your behind with the crack of a baseball bat because he was tall, strong, with glasses and hairy forearms, who proudly swatted his toddler daughter. Then you had to go back to class with a red face and watery eyes and try to make it through the day knowing everyone knew what had happened to you.

Well, one morning during recess I found myself trying to copy Michael Jackson's trademark moonwalk, and was spotted by a fellow student, who told an authority figure about my behavior. Soon I was called into the principal's office, and you know the rest of the story. As it was explained to me at the time, the figure of authority who was about to strike me was doing so because he loved me; Michael Jackson was a worldly figure, and moonwalking was dancing, and dancing is of the world, and since being worldly was a sure path to hell, and as Christians, in this world, we must behave as if we are not of the world, I would be punished for trying to be like Michael Jackson. Afterward, the authority figure prayed that God would teach me that the most dangerous way to be was like this worldly figure. In retrospect, it was probably good advice, since we all know Michael Jackson was reported to be involved in some very strange things, such as trying to buy the bones of the Elephant Man Joseph Merrick, hanging around with a chimp, sleeping with young kids in his bed, and trying to look like a white woman.